| montreal part deux |
[Feb. 25th, 2007|04:06 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | motherfucking hungover | ] |
i don't think i've ever been more drunk in my life than i was last night. except for maybe when i was in montreal. i've gathered bits and pieces of information and details of my... actions. so far this is what i know:
i tried to park my car and got it stuck in a snow drift and on the curb in front of larson (this i actually remember)
we ditched my car and left for the party
i went from the art house to the felland house with emily for the ugly hat party
i found katie and went upstairs and collapsed at the top of them
then i started banging on a door and yelling to the people inside
then i talked to thor on the stairs
then i went and sat down with katie and a group of people
then i started crying hysterically and ran out of the house back to the art house
i somehow got back to larson
but mattia was carrying my pants and i was obviously not wearing them.
i was sick in the bathroom and shrieking "mellby's a gem" over and over to bri
then bri had to go dig my car out of the snow/off the curb at 4 in the morning
today i feel dead.
the last time i felt this badly was just over a year ago during the infamous weekend in montreal.
i'm never drinking again. |
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| You say potato, I say vodka. |
[Jan. 15th, 2007|05:55 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | fucked | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | mae ... but why!?! | ] |
annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd i still love steve.
im such a fuck.
here's to the greatest emotional addictions of all time.
i also still love ronny and miss miss miss miss miss miss miss miss miss miss everything everyday.
just get me to Boston and drown me in the Charles. |
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| its 14 degrees outside. |
[Nov. 29th, 2006|11:58 pm] |
for a really long time i thought i hated that brief time in friends when there was a joey-rachel thing but i actually, just now, became okay for it. when they are watching Cujo together i think i love it actually. its before it happens but joey loves her and that makes it so cute.
so thats that
in other news, I HATE LIVEJOURNAL! |
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| failed attempt through facebook |
[Nov. 11th, 2006|10:35 pm] |
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okay so i got a new cell phone but lost everyones numbers. so if you havent given me your cell phone number yet, please do. i tried to do this through facebook but i dont think everyone caught on.
so comment with your number
thanks |
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| my life as a complete failure |
[Nov. 6th, 2006|05:56 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  depressed | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | carmel sutra- omnify | ] |
i've been having bad dreams lately. i wouldnt be surprised if they al came true. i'm unhappy. who is surprised? hah.
this weekend was okay. at least we got to watch she's the man. i think i need to buy it.
i can feel you moving on and away from me.
"Woke up today to everything grey
and all that i saw just kept going on and on
sweep all the pieces under the bed
close all the curtains and cover my head
and what you wish for won't come true
you aren't surprised love, are you?"
Im starting to accept the fact that i will never ever meet my "potential" as a student, friend, human.
i hope youre as happy as youre pretending.
my soul is dying. |
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| i dont know anything anymore |
[Oct. 29th, 2006|12:31 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | purgatory | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | sad | ] |
you were my best friend
you were my lover
you were my mentor
you were my brother
you were my partner
you were my teacher
you were my very own sympathetic character
you were my keeper
you were my anchor
you were my family
you were my saviour
and therein lay the issue
and therein lay the problem
after 3 episodes of dr 90210 i have come to the conclusion that i don't think plastic surgery is the answer to most people's problems. maybe im just speaking for myself but i dont think a set of dd's will give me a better quality of life. i don't really know what could. i think maybe owning more dvds would help.
i took a survey the other day for the u of m and it was about impulsive behavior in college students. one of the sections was about buying things to make yourself feel better. i thought that was especially interesting.
ive spent over $350 since fall break.
life's a bitch. i need a new purse. i need a new soul. |
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| marc is an asshole |
[Oct. 28th, 2006|01:37 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  crushed | ] |
im sorry that you don't want to read any explanation i have. that is the last time i will try.
sorry your roommate hates me. i guess when you live with someoen for 2 months you know him better than if you date him for 3 and a half years. it doesnt matter. im done.
im sorry nothing i said was ever enough for you. |
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| Your eyes say the joke's on me |
[Oct. 23rd, 2006|09:09 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | melancholy | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Imogen Heap- Hide and Seek | ] |
If it was up to me, i'd never have to miss you. Its for the better in the bitter end.
I'm glad you're doing well. Unfortunately I can't say the same for myself. This further proves that i'm incapable of functioning on my own and now that i no longer have the life raft, i'm obviously drowning. I think its sad that i am all talk. I say i want to be independent and i need to be and am totally capable of living on my own and relying on no one but myself. but I relied on you just like i do on my parents and friends to get me through everyday. Now i can think about the classes i fail and the essays i don't write and the books i still read and the people i still remember. Now i think about everything in my life and how far away it is from what i expected. i am directionless. Its like ive been drifting just off the coast for years and only now have i completely lost sight of the shore.
I'm not sure where to go from here i just know this isn't right.
i'm losing touch. |
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| my own special selfish way |
[Oct. 16th, 2006|03:38 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | empty | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Alkaline Trio- Sorry About That | ] |
i realize we won't be able to talk for some time and i understand that as i do you. the long distance thing was the hardest and we did as well as we could. we were together during a very tumultuous time in our lives. i will always have your back and be curious about you about your career your whereabouts.
I feel empty.
and fuck everyone. |
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| without courtney, there would be no silver lining... wait there still isnt. |
[Oct. 4th, 2006|09:48 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  creative | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Simon and Garfunkel | ] |
I'm quite concerned that i would have absolutely nothing to talk about with anyone, especially courtney, if i actually liked my life. here is a little "snippet" as my religion teacher would say of my daily conversation with courtney and everyday it goes a little something like this. My life would not be complete if i couldnt talk shit. does that make me a bad person? PROBABLY.
frack698: shes a fucking cunt and i hate that word
frack698: but she so is!
deer bandits: i know!!!
deer bandits: and so unclassy
frack698: i know
deer bandits: and her feet look like shes a neanderthal who has never worn shoes
frack698: hahah are they all dead skinny
deer bandits: oh my god skinny? please no part of that womans body is skinny
frack698: i hate her
frack698: no like they ahev dead skin on them?
deer bandits: oh yeah and theyre like black as soot
frack698: lmao
frack698: hahah
deer bandits: when im talking to you online and shes in the room and i start laughing out loud she like gives me the dirtiest looks. im like what there was something funny bitch~!
frack698: hhahahahha thats so funny
frack698: my roommate bf just asked if i was okay (hes oin the phone) cuz i was laughing so loud
deer bandits: hahahaha!!! well i just feel like im a big idiot because im alone and like giggling
frack698: hahaha
There's a lot of laughter in my online life. Which is more than i can say for my real life. And thats kind of weird.
NEXT STOP ON THE COLLEGE LIST: ILLINIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII |
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| suddenly i see! |
[Oct. 2nd, 2006|10:23 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  blah | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | KT Tunstall- Suddenly I See | ] |
yesterday courtney and i saw 2 snakes on our run/walk.
oh little snake (snicky) stick your head up!!!!
My livejournal password is still my highschool id number.
I love courtney.
I don't love my roommate. that is for sure.
suddenly i see this is what i want to be
suddenly i see why the hell it means so much to me |
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| constantly underestimated. |
[Sep. 24th, 2006|12:15 am] |
everyone here thinks i'm stupid because i don't study every second of every day.
why is god testing me
i wont capitalize that g.
i hate everything about st olaf. i hate everything about every college. maybe i just should let it go and prove everyone right. |
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| Where does the good go? |
[Sep. 23rd, 2006|11:04 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Mellby Hall of Hell | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | creative | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Imogen Heap- Hide and Seek | ] |
Now this may not be the most appropriate or mature way to let go of over a year of resentment and pure loathing but I don't really care. After this post am officially done hating keiko. Now this doesn't mean I like her, or can even stand her. I'm just done hating her. Lets face it, its what Jesus would do. Right, JC? EXACTLy haha. anyway. Now i'm just doing it this way because this is the way you do it if youre a person who stays in on saturday nights studying chemistry and watching pulp fiction and grey's anatomy. This is just the way it works. I also wanted to express some of my creativity that has gone over looked in my life of the natural sciences lately. Okay so here we go!
And here below is just an added touch of existentialism!
 |
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| what now? |
[Sep. 21st, 2006|04:47 pm] |
I think it is destiny for me to hate college. I know not many people do, but someone has to right? It doesn't matter where i end up, i am just fated to hate it. College and I are star-crossed. There is nothing more that can be said. I changed just about everything this time around and somehow i feel like nothing is different. This is problematic. I think if it doesnt get better this year i'm off to, dare i say it, champaign urbana. Or maybe carthage. I don't know. all i know is, this is getting old. im tired of not liking it. im tired of taking the same biology class 3 years in a row and never being able to get out of it. im tired of living with people i don't know. im tired of going through the motions. im tired of the peanut butter sandwhiches i eat for dinner because i don't want to go to the dining hall by myself.
this is my declaration of self-loathing and also loathing in general. what am i supposed to do now is the question. where do i go from here? i can't even think. i hate i hate i hate. im so sick of ughhhhhhhh someone rescue me.
carthage it is. |
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| Our wind turbine is bigger than yours. |
[Sep. 20th, 2006|01:11 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  tired | ] |
we come from st. olaf
we wear cashmere sweaters
we live on the hill to be closer to God
we don't smoke, we don't drink
at least thats what they think
and under the covers we
UM YAH YAH YAH
(to be sang in 3/4 time waltz.) |
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| Its days like these that take away what's left of me |
[Sep. 13th, 2006|10:15 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | exhausted | ] |
I only write in this when bad things happen like when ronny died and later when people talked shit about me and then when courtney left for school.
Needless to say, something bad has happened again.
I don't write on this for the sake of other people seeing it and knowing my life. I know better than to think people still read this. I'm okay with that because at this point its more of a record keeping for myself. So i can look back on certain dates and remember the important things that happened during the years i had this stupid livejournal.
I feel like the last few months have been permeated with death and i understand that its just life but that doesnt make it any less painful/weird/uncomfortable/silent/angry. I could go on for another couple paragraphs about how guilty i feel about everything and the fact that i think i was a terrible granddaughter, but the truth is, im just too tired.
de·men·tia n.
Deterioration of intellectual faculties, such as memory, concentration, and judgment, resulting from an organic disease or a disorder of the brain, and often accompanied by emotional disturbance and personality changes.
Today my grandma died. |
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| johnny hot rod |
[Aug. 26th, 2006|01:07 am] |
I miss ya already coz.
mad love |
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| i can see your two faces. |
[Aug. 18th, 2006|10:07 pm] |
A girl will talk shit about you behind your back faster than you can say best friends forever.
(excluding courtney) |
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| long days and longer nights |
[Jun. 15th, 2006|02:09 am] |
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I would give anything for one more day with you. or one more phone call. I miss you the most when i hear maroon 5 songs or think about feminism. I can't even believe I'm writing in this about this. what else is there to say? Its going to take a while for me to stop talking about you every second of every day. The way I'm writing makes it sound like you just broke up with me and i guess, in a way, you did. |
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steal_my_fire's journal
naughty
